Collected Gems – 7

"I'm shorter now than I was when I was younger."
"Of course you are. After all, you got married and
settled down."

"My husband is going to be very angry I stopped at
a yard sale."
"I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about
all the bargains you found."
"Normally, yes. But he just broke his leg and he's
waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have
it set."

I've never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't
come in when you call, they like to stay out all
night and when they're home they like to be left
alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a
man, they love in a cat.