Sunday, 16 November 2014

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."

Tuesday, 11 November 2014

12 Step Program For The Do-It-Yourself Handyman

1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break
off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid but it works, then
it isn't stupid.

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are
there, it's warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

5. If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a twelve-

6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or
fuse; see if the tank is empty; try plugging it in or flipping
the switch.

7. If all else fails, just paint over it.

8. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm
clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working,
you've fixed it.

9. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and
throwing sometimes DOES help.

10. If something looks level, it *is* level.

11. Except for washing machines. Even when six levels say
they're level, they're *never* level.

12. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Saturday, 8 November 2014

Two blondes go bear hunting. On their way up they pass a
sign saying "Bear Left". So they turned around and went home.