Sunday, 31 August 2014

Better than Heaven!

A widower went to a psychic to see if he could
contact his late wife. The psychic went into a
trance. A strange breeze wafted through the
darkened room. Suddenly, the man heard the
unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife.

"Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?"

"Yes, my husband."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes, my husband."

"Happier than you were with me?"

"Yes, my husband ... much happier!"

"Then Heaven must be an amazing place!"

"Uhhh ... I'm not in Heaven, dear."

Friday, 29 August 2014

Home Sweet Home!

  The members of my wife's bridge club were exchanging stories of
their days camping with their families in the 1950's. Each
related how they remembered the primitive conditions like
gathering wood, pumping well water and carrying it to the
campsite, using an outhouse, and so forth.

Finally one woman asked my wife, who was raised in rural
Montana, if she had ever done any camping.

"Oh, no, we didn't bother," she replied. "We had all those
inconveniences at home."

Wednesday, 27 August 2014


A professor stood before his class of 20 senior organic biology
students, about to hand out the final exam.

"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this
semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard, and many of
you are off to medical school after the summer. So that none of
you gets your GPA messed up because you might have been
celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to
opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course."

There was much rejoicing amongst the class as students got up,
passed by the professor to thank him, and signed off on his offer.
As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the
handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."

One more student rose and took the offer.

The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourselves," he said.
"Each of you gets an 'A.'"