Sunday, 26 June 2016

A priest, a rabbi, a doctor and a lawyer are gathered at a mutual friend's graveside to mourn his passing.

The priest says to the others, "I think our good friend would have liked to take something with him to his next life." He pulls a $100 bill from his wallet and drops it on the casket.

The rabbi agrees, "That's a fine idea," and drops his own $100 bill on the casket.

The doctor, not to be outdone, does the same.

The lawyer murmurs, "What a wonderful thought," as he gazes down at their friend's casket. Whipping out his pen, he quickly writes a check for $400, drops it into the grave and takes the three $100 bills as change.

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

Thursday, 23 June 2016

A teacher was asked to fill out a questionnaire. One question asked, "Give two reasons for entering the teaching profession."
The teacher wrote, "July and August."

Wednesday, 22 June 2016

In the News:

It happened again. Yesterday yet another person jumped the White House fence. On the bright side, at least Michelle Obama is finally getting more Americans to exercise.

Sunday, 19 June 2016

"A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary."

Monday, 23 May 2016

An Apple computer built by Steve Jobs in his garage in 1976 sold for nearly $1 million. It makes it the most affordable Apple product currently on the market.

It's United Nations Day. The U.N. Is the world's foremost
institution for drafting strongly worded letters.

Friday, 20 May 2016

Sacred Duty

An organization of University of North Carolina athletic boosters expressed shock and outrage today over a report that a few members of U.N.C. sports teams may have taken real classes, despite the widespread availability of fake ones. A spokesman for the university was quick to say that the cases of athletes taking real classes appeared to be "isolated incidents, but as a university, it is our sacred duty to protect our athletes from education. We can -- and we must -- do better."

Thursday, 18 February 2016

The Invisible Man!

The Invisible Man's favorite soup: vanishing cream of mushroom

The Invisible Man's favorite drink: evaporated milk

The Invisible Man's favorite game: Etch A Sketch, because it makes images disappear

The Invisible Man's favorite article of clothing: See-Through Panty Hose

The Invisible Man's favorite letter of the alphabet: W, because it turns "here" into "where?"

Wednesday, 17 February 2016

When one engine fails on a multi-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Tuesday, 16 February 2016

Black Death

An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death."

"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby.

"Nuns ... with scissors."