Funny quips

• Our friend Eddie has kleptomania, but when it gets bad, Eddie takes something for it.
• I stayed up all night playing Texas Hold'em with a deck of tarot cards.  I got a royal 
• flush and five people died.
• His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
• I spilled 'Spot' remover on my dog.  Now he's disappeared.
• Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.
• Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool like Jackson.
• Don't wish ill for your enemy, plan it.
• Guy just got lost in thought.  He found it unfamiliar territory.