Witticism At Its Best - Pierre Trudeau vs. Richard Nixon

Pierre Trudeau vs. Richard Nixon, upon hearing that Nixon had called him an asshole

Courtesy: Martha Northrup

DIFFICULT TO BEAT

Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school
yard. Each was bragging about how great his father was.
The first one said, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He
can fire an arrow and start to run. I tell you, he gets
there before the arrow!"
 
The second one said, "Ha! You think that's fast! My father
is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the
bullet!"
 
Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his
head. He then said: "Sorry, dudes, but MY DAD is the
fastest. He's a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30, and
he's home by 3:45!"
 
 Courtesy: Irene A. Mystery.

WHAT A DOCTOR - LAST PART

I remember one time I told my doctor
I had a ringing in my ears. 
His advice:
"Don't answer it." 
~~~~~
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.
One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell."
The doctor gave him some pills and said, 
"Here, take these -
If they don't work, give me a ring."
~~~~~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought 
he was a deck of cards.
The doctor simply said, 
"Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later." 
~~~~~
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places,
He told me to stop going to those places.
~~~~~
You know, doctors can be so frustrating.
You wait a month and a half for an appointment,
Then he says,
"I wish you had come to me sooner."

Courtesy: Martha Northrup