Sarcastic Grucho Marx - 3

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Ice Water? Get some Onions. That'll make your
eyes water!
Age is not a particularly interesting subject.
Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live
long enough.
Anyone who says he can see through women is
missing a lot.
Blood's not thicker than money.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked
for a jury.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll
be glad to make an exception.

Why want to live long?

I recently started with a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said
I was doing "fairly well' for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I asked him,
"Do you think I'll live to be 90?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink beer, wine
or hard liquor?
"Oh no. I'm not doing drugs, either."
"Do you eat steaks and barbecued ribs?"
"Not much ... I try to stay away from red meat."
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing
golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't."
"Do you gamble or drive fast cars?"
"No, not at all."
"Then why would you want to live to 90?"

Enjoy Grucho Marx - 2

Now there's a man with an open mind -- you can feel
the breeze from here!

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage
does.

She got her good looks from her father. He's a
plastic surgeon.

There's only one way to find out if a man is honest:
ask him. If he says yes, you know he's a crook.

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I
quit: retire!

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I
have others.



Courtesy: BW Jokes