Enjoy Grucho Marx - 1

I must say that I find television very educational.
The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the
library and read a book.

I sent the club a wire stating, Please accept my
resignation. I don't care to belong to any club
that will have me as a member.

I worked myself up from nothing to a state of
extreme poverty.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this
wasn't it.

Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How
he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

Marriage is a wonderful institution ... but who
wants to live in an institution?

Courtesy:BW Jokes

Eligible to Bless!

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. For years, I've
been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard
where I work."
"How much did you take?"
"Enough to build my own house and my son's house. And
houses for my two daughters and our cottage at the
lake."
"This is very serious. I'll have to think of a far-
reaching penance for you. Have you ever done a
retreat?"
"No, Father, I haven't. But if you have the
blueprints, I can get the lumber."

Returned With Thanks!

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.

The guests in the front pews, and the minister, responded with ripples of laughter. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride had given him back his credit card.