Eligible to Bless!

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. For years, I've
been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard
where I work."
"How much did you take?"
"Enough to build my own house and my son's house. And
houses for my two daughters and our cottage at the
lake."
"This is very serious. I'll have to think of a far-
reaching penance for you. Have you ever done a
retreat?"
"No, Father, I haven't. But if you have the
blueprints, I can get the lumber."

Returned With Thanks!

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.

The guests in the front pews, and the minister, responded with ripples of laughter. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride had given him back his credit card.

Collected Gems - 10

Nursery school teacher to class: "If you don't
stop running all over the class, sit quietly
and calm down, I'm going to call the police!"
"Yeah, what's our crime?"
"Resisting a rest."

Irate customer to Post Office clerk: "I went out this
morning and when I came home, I found a card saying
the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was
home. I'll have you know my husband was in all
morning! He never heard a thing!"
"I'm terribly sorry, madam. Here's your package."
"Oh good! We've been waiting for this for ages!"
"What is it, if you don't mind me asking?"
"It's my husband's new hearing aid."