Collected Gems – 7

"I'm shorter now than I was when I was younger."
"Of course you are. After all, you got married and
settled down."

"My husband is going to be very angry I stopped at
a yard sale."
"I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about
all the bargains you found."
"Normally, yes. But he just broke his leg and he's
waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have
it set."

I've never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't
come in when you call, they like to stay out all
night and when they're home they like to be left
alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a
man, they love in a cat.

Who is Stupid!

"For a long time it puzzled me how something so expensive, so leading edge, could be so useless, and then it occurred to me that a computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match."

Collected Gems – 6

Semiconductors: Part time orchestra leaders or part
time ticket-takers on trains

The attorney's client had been called out of town
and was unable to be present when the jury returned
its verdict in his favor. The lawyer immediately
texted his client, "Justice has triumphed!" The client texted back, "Appeal at once!"

A Native American walks into a posh restaurant. The
maitre'd greets him at the counter and says, "I'm
terribly sorry sir, but we have no tables available
at this time." "That's okay," replies the Indian,
"I have a reservation."