Gardening tips will make U laugh

"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes.  And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."


Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.


My wife's a water sign.  I'm an earth sign.
Together we make mud. 

What do you get if you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

How do you lead a horse to water?
With lots of carrots.
 

Funny Reservation!

Ian arrived at a very popular restaurant and he was dismayed to find it very crowded. Approaching the hostess Ian asked, 'Will it be long?'

The hostess, seemingly ignoring Ian continued writing in her reservations book.Thinking she had possibly not heard him the first time, Ian decided to ask again. 'How much time is the wait for a table?'

Looking up from her book, the hostess smiled and said, 'Oh, only about ten minutes. We will inform you when your table is ready.'

A short time later, Ian heard an announcement over the intercom system, 'Willette B. Long......... Willette B. Long, your table is ready.'

God was working it alone!

A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the fences were broken down.  During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"   A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer.  Lo and behold, it's a completely different place.  The farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows.  "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!"  "Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"