Laugh And Enjoy Grandpa's Answering Machine

At present we are not at home. If you are one of
our children, dial 1 followed by the order of
"birth arrival" so we know who it is.


If you need us to stay with your kids, press 2.


If you want to borrow the car, press 3.


If you want us to wash your clothes and do the
ironing, press 4.


If you want the grandchildren to sleep here
tonight, press 5.


If you want us to pick up the kids at school,
press 6.


If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or
to deliver it to your home, press 7.


If you want to come to eat here, press 8.


If you need money, press 9.


If you are going to invite us to dinner, a
movie or a show, start talking. We are]
listening!"

Courtesy: Daily Humour

Laugh heartily - 2

My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight
shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when
you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because
by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything. Then I regain
consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health ... when my thighs kept
rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while
and it shrinks two sizes!



Courtesy: Arca Max

Caution! is the word

There was an unexpected knock on my door, and as I
always do I first opened the peephole and asked,
"Who's there?" "UPS, ma'am. I have a package that
needs a signature."
"Where's the package?" I asked suspiciously.
The delivery man held it up.
"Could I see some ID?" I said, still not convinced.
"Lady," he replied wearily, "if I wanted to break
into your house, I'd probably just use these." And
he pulled out the keys I had left in the door.