Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Do U like Satire - Part 3


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. ~ Emo Philips.



Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. ~ Harrison Ford



The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. ~ Spike Milligan



Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. ~ Robin Hall



Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. ~ Jean Rostand.

Courtesy: Martha Northrup

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Humourus Hearing!


My wife and I laughed when John, a neighbor, told us how his hearing aid occasionally emits a high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone near him. His granddaughter was sitting on his lap one day when the device started to beep.
Surprised, the granddaughter looked up at him and said, "Oh, Grampa, you've got e-mail

 

While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I noticed that his "hearing aid" was actually an earphone from a old transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt.
"How does that help your hearing?" I asked.

"Don't help my hearing none. Makes people talk louder." 

 

During a medical assessment before moving into a retirement home, a nurse asked my grandparents, "Do you need hearing aids?"
"Yes," my grandmother answered. "But he doesn't like his, never wears it and leaves it at home."

Then she added, "I always carry mine in my purse."


 

One man's request was for his hearing. The evangelist spit on his finger, put it in the man's ear, prayed for him and then asked him, "How's your hearing now?"
He said, "I don't know - it's next Tuesday."


 

 


 

Monday, 12 August 2013

Happy Birthday!



A couple phoned a neighbour to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.
"Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get." 


My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was and I told him, "62."
He was quiet for a moment, then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"