CAUTION IS THE WORD

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Witticism At Its Best - Pierre Trudeau vs. Richard Nixon

Pierre Trudeau vs. Richard Nixon, upon hearing that Nixon had called him an asshole

Courtesy: Martha Northrup

DIFFICULT TO BEAT

Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school
yard. Each was bragging about how great his father was.
The first one said, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He
can fire an arrow and start to run. I tell you, he gets
there before the arrow!"
 
The second one said, "Ha! You think that's fast! My father
is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the
bullet!"
 
Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his
head. He then said: "Sorry, dudes, but MY DAD is the
fastest. He's a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30, and
he's home by 3:45!"
 
 Courtesy: Irene A. Mystery.