YOU WILL LOVE THIS

A couple were celebrating 50 years together..

Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a
Sunday dinner in their honor.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number
One. 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a
Patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father. "The important
Thing is that we're all together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom
Look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and
Didn't have time to shop for you."

"It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you
Were able to come."

Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy
Anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was
Really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."

After they had finished dessert, the father said,
"There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long
Time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each
Of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we
Loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get
Married."

The three children gasped and all said, "You mean
We're bastards?"

"Yep," said the father,
"And cheap ones too."

Courtesy: Martha Northrup

UNTASTED!

I was driving down the interstate in a rural area when a
chicken passed me doing 65 mph. I sped up and passed the
chicken. A few minutes later, the same bird passed me again;
this time he was doing 75 mph. Startled, I floored the
accelerator, got my car up to 85, and blew by the bird, for
good I thought. But sure enough, five minutes later he went
by me again. This time he passed me at 95 mph and made a
right turn off the freeway onto a farm next to the
interstate.
 
I immediately exited and drove up to the farmhouse and
knocked on the door. When the farmer opened the door, I told
the farmer of my experience with his speedy poultry and he
told me, "Oh, that must be one of my three-legged chickens!"
I asked, "How did you end up with three-legged chickens?"
He responded, "I have nine children. They all love
drumsticks, so I bred three-legged chickens to keep my kids
satisfied."
 

It sounded logical to me, so I curiously asked, "How do they
taste?"
 
The farmer answered, "Don't know -- can't catch 'em!"
 
 Courtesy: Peter Puleo.

OBEDIENT WIFE!

The FBI had an  opening for an assassin .

After all the  background checks, interviews

And testing were  done, there were 3 finalists;

Two men and a  woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of

The men to a large  metal door and handed Him a gun.

'We  must know that you will follow your

Instructions no  matter what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife  sitting

In a chair ... . .  Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could

Never shoot my  wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man

For this job. Take  your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.  He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for a bout 5  minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't  kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and  go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same  instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.  Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on  the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there  stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded  with blanks' she said. I had to beat him to death with the  chair.' 

Courtesy: Martha Northrup