Sacred Duty

An organization of University of North Carolina athletic boosters expressed shock and outrage today over a report that a few members of U.N.C. sports teams may have taken real classes, despite the widespread availability of fake ones. A spokesman for the university was quick to say that the cases of athletes taking real classes appeared to be "isolated incidents, but as a university, it is our sacred duty to protect our athletes from education. We can -- and we must -- do better."

The Invisible Man!

The Invisible Man's favorite soup: vanishing cream of mushroom

The Invisible Man's favorite drink: evaporated milk

The Invisible Man's favorite game: Etch A Sketch, because it makes images disappear

The Invisible Man's favorite article of clothing: See-Through Panty Hose

The Invisible Man's favorite letter of the alphabet: W, because it turns "here" into "where?"

When one engine fails on a multi-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Black Death

An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death."

"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby.

"Nuns ... with scissors."