A teacher was asked to fill out a questionnaire. One question asked, "Give two reasons for entering the teaching profession."
The teacher wrote, "July and August."

In the News:

It happened again. Yesterday yet another person jumped the White House fence. On the bright side, at least Michelle Obama is finally getting more Americans to exercise.

"A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary."

An Apple computer built by Steve Jobs in his garage in 1976 sold for nearly $1 million. It makes it the most affordable Apple product currently on the market.


It's United Nations Day. The U.N. Is the world's foremost
institution for drafting strongly worded letters.

Sacred Duty

An organization of University of North Carolina athletic boosters expressed shock and outrage today over a report that a few members of U.N.C. sports teams may have taken real classes, despite the widespread availability of fake ones. A spokesman for the university was quick to say that the cases of athletes taking real classes appeared to be "isolated incidents, but as a university, it is our sacred duty to protect our athletes from education. We can -- and we must -- do better."

The Invisible Man!

The Invisible Man's favorite soup: vanishing cream of mushroom

The Invisible Man's favorite drink: evaporated milk

The Invisible Man's favorite game: Etch A Sketch, because it makes images disappear

The Invisible Man's favorite article of clothing: See-Through Panty Hose

The Invisible Man's favorite letter of the alphabet: W, because it turns "here" into "where?"

When one engine fails on a multi-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Black Death

An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death."

"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby.

"Nuns ... with scissors."

Made For Each Other!!

They're perfectly matched ...
... he's a history professor and she likes dates.
... he's a comedian and her whole life is a joke.
... she's a clown and he looks funny.
... she likes to jog and he's on the run.
... she's a geologist and he has rocks in his head.
... she's a mermaid and there's something fishy about him.

I was asked to provide a reference for a former employee
who was infamous for doing nothing. On the form was the
question: "Was this person a steady worker?"
I entered, "Not just steady, but motionless".

Q: What do you call two spiders who just got married?
A: Newly Webs
-----
Q: Two men meet as one is going into a rest room and the other
is coming out. What are their nationalities?
A: One is Russian and the other is Finnish.
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All I can find is this old wrapping paper. Oh well, I guess
it'll have to do for the present.

I work for an airline reservations office and was describing
the rules for a deep-discount airfare to a customer. I ended
by saying "This fare doesn't allow any checked baggage."
"That's okay," the customer responded quickly. "Mine are
striped."

How to manage a Football Team!

The University of North Carolina football team has
announced plans to expand to three squads next year.
One squad will play offense, another will play defense
and the third will attend classes.