See the World!

After being at sea in the Persian Gulf for 90 straight days,
I went to the squadron command master chief to complain.
"Chief, I joined the Navy to see the world," I said, "but
for the past three months all I've seen is water."
"Lieutenant," he replied, "three-quarters of the earth is
covered with water, and the Navy has been showing you that.
If you wanted to see the other quarter, you should have
joined the Army."
Courtesy: Reader's Digest, "Humor in Uniform"

CATererians!

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle
and will walk on your keyboard."

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats
have never forgotten this."

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to
pull a sled through snow."

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."

"One cat just leads to another."

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get
back to you later."

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to
a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered
from insomnia."

"People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next
life."

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They
are all owned by cats."

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom
of cats is infinitely superior."

"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there
to welcome me."

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life:
music and cats."

"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart."

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."

"Time spent with cats is never wasted."

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
True, and they have many other fine qualities as well."

"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends
with strange cats."

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any
harm to ask for what you want."

"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic."

"My husband said it was him or the cat ... I miss him
sometimes."

Courtesy: BWJokes

Tech Support - III

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't
print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'.
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of
the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find
it.

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
 
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend won at the State
Fair.