Satire For Enjoyment

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year.
Every year Fred would say, "Edna, I'd like to ride in that
there airplane."
And every year Edna would say, "I know, Fred, but that
airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten
dollars."
 
One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said,
"Edna, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this
year, I may never get another chance."
 
Edna replied, "Fred, that there airplane ride costs ten
dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
 
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay
quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't
charge you, but if you say one word, it's ten dollars."
Fred and Edna agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word.
 
They landed and the pilot turned to Fred. "By golly, I did
everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you
didn't."
 
Fred replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Edna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."  

Courtesy: Gary Sessions.

CANCEL YOUR CREDIT CARDS BEFORE YOU DIE!

A lady died this past January and Barclays Bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance which had been ?0.00 is now somewhere around ?60.00.

A family member placed a call to Barclays Bank:

Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

Barclays:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to Collections.'

Barclays:
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member:
So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Barclays:
'Either report her account to the frauds division
or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Barclays:
'Excuse me?'

Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you ... the part about her being dead?'

Barclays:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member:
'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'

Barclays:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Barclays:
(Stammer) 'Are you her solicitor?'

Family Member:
'No, I'm her great nephew.'
(Solicitor info. given)

Barclays:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member:
'Sure.'
(fax number is given)

After they get the fax:

Barclays:
'Our system just isn't set up for death.
I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great!
If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.'

Barclays:
'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'

Family Member:
'Would you like her new billing address?'

Barclays:
'That might help.'

Family Member:
'Plot Number 1049,
Finchley Memorial Cemetery,
Great North Road,
Finchley, London .'

Barclays:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member:
'Well, what the **** do you do with dead people on your planet?

Courtesy: Martha Northrup
 

CAUTION IS THE WORD

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.