Famous Repartee - ABRAHAM LINCLON Vs STEPHEN DOUGLAS

after Douglas called him two-faced during a debate

Courtesy: Martha Northrup

2 LANES OR 4 LANES

A man was walking along a deserted beach one day and found a strange looking bottle lying in the sand. He looked up and down the beach and didn't see anyone who might have dropped it, so he decided to open the bottle.

A powerful genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out of his magical cage.

The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you a wish. BUT, I can only grant one."

The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I've never been able to go because I cannot stand flying in an airplane, and boats tend to make me claustrophobic. So for my wish, I want a road to be built to Hawaii."

The genie thought about the road for a few minutes and finally said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Just imagine all the pavement needed. No, I'm sorry, but that is just too much to ask."

The man thought for a few minutes and then decided on his second choice. The man said, "There IS one other thing I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, and why are they so difficult to get along with. Basically, I'd like to know what makes them tick."

The genie pondered the request for a moment, and finally said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"

BE PROUD OF YOUR ORGANISATION

Dress Code - It is advised that you come to work dressed
according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes
and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well
financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress
poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not
need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where
you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
 
Sick Days - We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as
proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you
are able to come to work.
 
Personal Days - Each employee will receive 104 personal days
a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
 
Bereavement Leave - This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, or
co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases
where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should
be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow
you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave
one hour early.
 
Toilet Use - Entirely too much time is being spent in the
toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound,
the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will
open, and a picture will be taken. After your second
offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin
board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught
smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
company's mental health policy.
 
Lunch Break - Skinny people get thirty minutes for lunch, as
they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal
size people get fifteen minutes for lunch to get a balanced
meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get
five minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim-Fast.
 
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to
provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all
questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should
be directed elsewhere.
 
 Courtesy: James W.