Thursday 13 December 2012

TERRIBLE SUNDAY!

A small boy stunned his parents after church one Sunday when
he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes, and
quarters.

Finally his mother asked the obvious question: "Where did
you get all that money?"

"At Sunday school," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have
bowls of it."

Tuesday 11 December 2012

NEEDS TIME TO PUT ON SHOES

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants
to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests
a faithful dog.

The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"

The owner says, "How about a cat?"

The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do
everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"

The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it!
A centipede!"

The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede
doing everything, but okay. I'll try a centipede."

He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean
the kitchen."

Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's
immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed,
dried, and put away; the counter tops cleaned; the
appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely
amazed.

He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."

Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The
carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted;
the pillows on the sofa plumped; and the plants watered. The
man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've
ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!"

Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and
get me a newspaper."

The centipede walks out the door. Ten minutes later, no
centipede. Twenty minutes later, no centipede. Thirty
minutes later, no centipede.

By this point, the man is wondering what's going on. So he
goes to the front door, opens it, and there's the centipede
sitting right outside.

The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45
minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?"

The centipede says, "I'm going! I'm going! I'm just putting
on my shoes!"

 

 Courtesy: Crosswalk.com.

INNER PEACE!


If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,   

Then You Are Probably ......  
The Family Dog.

I


Courtesy: Martha Northrup