UNDER COVER C(R)OPS !

A detective who spent his entire career in plain clothes
quit the police force and bought a farm.

"What kind of crops do you plan to grow?" the police chief
asked the farmer-to-be.

"Carrots and potatoes," the man replied.

"Why carrots and potatoes?" asked the chief.

"Because," answered the ex-detective, "I'm very fond of
undercover crops."  

Courtesy:Stan Kegel.

CHANGE YOUR PRIORITY

My parents are both busy professional people and have
trouble finding time for chores and home maintenance. On
weekends they each make a list of things to be done.
Father's list is never completely crossed off, but Mother's
always is. Puzzled, I asked her how she managed that.

"Simple," she answered with a satisfied grin. "I do the
chore first, and then I put it on the list and cross it
off!" 
Courtesy: Thomas Ellsworth.

Now Blond Men - II

 A blond man shouts frantically into the phone
 "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
 "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
 "No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"
 

A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
 A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
 The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

 A blond man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
 His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
 He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
 "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
 "Here boy!" he replies.

 A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
 "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
 "Hanging myself," the blond replies.
 "It should be around your neck" says the guard.
 "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".


 An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
 To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."  

Courtesy: Martha Northrup