Being Thankful And Equal To All

A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls." This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing.My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?" Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!"

Courtesy: Martha Northrup

How 2 Win A Gorgeous One

Thomas, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up
at the country club with an absolutely gorgeous and
breathtakingly beautiful 25-year-old brunette. She is
hanging on to his arm and listening intently to his every
word.

His usual golf-playing partners and fellow members of the
club are baffled and shocked. At their very first chance,
they come to him and ask, "Thomas, how did you get the
amazing trophy girlfriend?"

Thomas replies, "Girlfriend? She's not my girlfriend --
she's my wife."

Disbelieving him, they ask, "So how did you persuade her to
marry you?"

"I lied about my age," he replies.

"What? Did you tell her you were only 50?"

Thomas smiles and says, "Nope, I told her I was 90."
 
 Courtesy: TwoTimesAr.

Effective Way 2 Get Out Of A Mess

Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"