Eligible Jerks

Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.

 He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." 

His wife replied, "Why thank you, dear!"

Courtesy: Martha Northrup

How 2 be a part of the scenario

A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the first
intermission he needed to use the restroom in the worst way,
so he hurried to find the men's room.

He searched in vain for the bathrooms, but he finally found
a beautiful fountain with foliage. Since nobody was watching
and his need was becoming more urgent, he decided to relieve
himself right there.

When he finally got back into the auditorium, the second act
had already begun. He searched in the dark until he found
his wife. "Did I miss much of the second act?" he asked.

"Miss it?" she said indignantly. "You were in it!"
 
 Courtesy: Joke du Jour.

How 2 Infuse Life Into Dead

A man was driving along the highway and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful that he began to cry.

A blonde woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The blonde told the man not to worry. She knew what to do.

She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can all over the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. Fifty feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 feet.

The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, "What was in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.

It said:

"Hair Spray - Restores Life to Dead Hair. Adds Permanent Wave."