Friday 7 September 2012

Everybody Will Love It


ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM PATIENT RECORDS

Actual Documentations Found in Patient Records     -      (http://nursing.about.com/index.htm)

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused autopsy.

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.


Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Thursday 6 September 2012

Practical Teaching

A student wished to make some potassium hydroxide
solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of
potassium into a bucket of water.

Out of the corner of his eye, the professor observed what

the student was about to do and hurried over. After
confirming this was what was intended, he asked the student
to first stir the water in the bucket for five minutes
before adding the potassium.

Puzzled, the student followed after him to ask the purpose

of this action.

"It will give me time to get away!" said the professor.

  Courtesy : Thomas Ellsworth.

Wednesday 5 September 2012

TRUE WISDOM


Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.  If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously.  Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a cell that takes pictures these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Courtesy: Martha Northrup