Black Death

An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death."

"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby.

"Nuns ... with scissors."

Made For Each Other!!

They're perfectly matched ...
... he's a history professor and she likes dates.
... he's a comedian and her whole life is a joke.
... she's a clown and he looks funny.
... she likes to jog and he's on the run.
... she's a geologist and he has rocks in his head.
... she's a mermaid and there's something fishy about him.

I was asked to provide a reference for a former employee
who was infamous for doing nothing. On the form was the
question: "Was this person a steady worker?"
I entered, "Not just steady, but motionless".