Non-believer!

On a sunny Sabbath afternoon in Miami Beach, two old
friends met for the first time in years. After an
exchange of the usual pleasantries, as they sat on a
beachfront bench, Jacob's expression grew somber and
he said, "Shmuel, people are telling me you don't go
to shul any more. Can it be true that you no longer
believe in God?"
Shmuel looked uncomfortable, and hurriedly changed the
subject.
The next afternoon, the old friends met on the beach
again."You must tell me, Shmuel, don't you believe in
our God any more?"
Shmuel replied, "Here is a straight answer to a
straight question. No, I don't."
"Why didn't you tell me that yesterday?"
"God forbid. On Sabbath?"

Tech Support - 4

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
 
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the
computer?
 
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
 
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10
paces back.
 
Customer: OK.
 
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
 
Customer: Yes
 
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.

Roller Skates!

Three guys die and go to heaven.

The first guy goes up to St. Peter, who says, "In all the years you were married, were you ever unfaithful to your wife?"

The guy thinks a moment then says, "No. No. I was always faithful to her through 55 years of marriage."

St. Peter scratches something down in a big book, then he says to the guy, "OK, mister, you can have that Rolls Royce over there to drive around here."

Now second guy goes up to St. Peter. He asks him, "In all the years you were married, were you ever unfaithful to your wife?"

This second guy takes a moment. He hems and haws a few minutes, then he says, "Well, I did flirt a little, and there was that one night with Julia. But other than that I tried to remain faithful to my wife through 40 years of marriage. I guess I just wasn't perfect, huh?"

St. Peter scratches something in his book and says, "Don't worry about it. You can have that motorbike over there to get around."

Third guy too gets the same question.

The guy blushes a bit.

"C'mon," he says. "You know I wasn't the best of husbands. I cheated on my wife three times, and then I was a terrible flirt."

"I know, I know," says St. Peter without looking up from his Big Book. He scratches something down in that book then says, "Don't worry about it. We'll let you have that bicycle over there."

A few weeks later, guys no. 2 and no. 3 were driving along when they see Rolls Royce parked outside of a bar. They stop and go inside and find guy no.1 with empty bottles all around him, his face down in his hands on the table.

Guy no. 2 asks him, "What could possibly be wrong, you got to heaven, you're driving a Rolls Royce, and everything's great."
"I saw my wife today", he replied.

Guy no. 3 says, "That's great! So, what's the problem?"
He answers, "She was on roller skates!"