Was Not There Yesterday!

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London, and was in a hurry.

As they went by the Tower of London the cabbie explained what it was and that construction started in 1346 and it was completed in 1412, the Texan replied, "Shoot, a little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"

House of Parliament next - Started construction in 1544, completed 1618 "Hell boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!"

As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabby was silent. "Whoah! What's that over there?" "Damned if I know, wasn't there yesterday..."

FORGOT HER BACON!

Grandma & Grampa are sitting there watching TV when Grandpa decides he's hungry for some ice cream.
"Hey, Grandma - I'm gonna' head to the kitchen and get myself a dish of ice cream. You want I should get you some, too?"
"Sure, Grandpa, sounds good. But you better write down what you're going out there for or else you'll forget." replies Grandma.
"I will not!" retorts Grandpa. "In fact, tell me what you want on it and I'll show you I can remember that, too."
"OK," says Grandma, "I'll have some chocolate sauce. But you're gonna' forget..."
Grandpa heads out to the kitchen and disappears for about 20 or 30 minutes, accompanied by a cacaphonous banging of pots and pans. Finally he emerges, carrying a plate of scrambled eggs.
"See there, Grandpa. I told you you'd forget!" chides Grandma.
"Whaddya' mean, 'forget,' Grandma? What did I forget?" demands Grandpa.
"You fool," says Grandma. "You forgot my bacon!"

Express Wish!

I work in a personnel office with the government in
Washington, DC, reviewing applications for federal
employment.

The standard form includes the question, "Why did you leave
your previous employment?"

One applicant, a former U.S. Congressman, responded, "The
express wish of 116,000 voters."

Courtesy:  Thomas Ellsworth.