HOW TO IRATE CITIZENS

I do the water and sewer billing for a small city in
Washington state. Customers complained about our
postcard-sized bills -- which they said looked too much like
junk mail. So we decided to start sending full-sized bills
in envelopes. The month before the switch, I had a note
printed on the cards, announcing the change.
Two days later, I heard someone yelling at our receptionist,
"Is this some kind of joke?" When the customer threw his
bill upon the desk, I saw his point. The note was, "Coming
Soon! New Larger Bills!"
 
 Courtesy: Thomas Ellsworth.

HILARIOUS

Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:

"Windows frozen."

Husband texts back:

"Pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 mins later:

"Computer completely dead now."

        Courtesy: Martha Northrup

WITTICISM EVERYONE WILL ENJOY

The police officer got out of his car, and the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
 
"I've been waiting for you all day," the officer said.
 
The kid replied, "Well, I got here as fast as I could."
 
When the officer finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid
on his way without a ticket.
 
 Courtesy: Thomas Ellsworth.