HOW TO AVOID LUNG-DISEASE

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.

They saw her and began calling greetings to her, "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.
 

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
 

"Which word?" her husband asked.

"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis", she replied.


NB: The longest word currently listed in the Oxford dictionary i which is supposed to mean lung-disease;
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (45 letters).

Courtesy: Martha Northrup

 

TERRIBLE SUNDAY!

A small boy stunned his parents after church one Sunday when
he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes, and
quarters.

Finally his mother asked the obvious question: "Where did
you get all that money?"

"At Sunday school," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have
bowls of it."

NEEDS TIME TO PUT ON SHOES

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants
to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests
a faithful dog.
The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"
The owner says, "How about a cat?"
The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do
everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"
The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it!
A centipede!"
The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede
doing everything, but okay. I'll try a centipede."
He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean
the kitchen."
Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's
immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed,
dried, and put away; the counter tops cleaned; the
appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely
amazed.
He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."
Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The
carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted;
the pillows on the sofa plumped; and the plants watered. The
man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've
ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!"
Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and
get me a newspaper."
The centipede walks out the door. Ten minutes later, no
centipede. Twenty minutes later, no centipede. Thirty
minutes later, no centipede.
By this point, the man is wondering what's going on. So he
goes to the front door, opens it, and there's the centipede
sitting right outside.
The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45
minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?"
The centipede says, "I'm going! I'm going! I'm just putting
on my shoes!"
 
 Courtesy: Crosswalk.com.