Now Blond Men - II

 A blond man shouts frantically into the phone
 "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
 "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
 "No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"
 

A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
 A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
 The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

 A blond man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
 His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
 He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
 "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
 "Here boy!" he replies.

 A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
 "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
 "Hanging myself," the blond replies.
 "It should be around your neck" says the guard.
 "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".


 An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
 To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."  

Courtesy: Martha Northrup

Now Blond Men !

 A friend told a blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
 The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
 

Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
 One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
 The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
 
 A blond man  is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
 He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
 

  A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
 "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
 The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
 The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
 

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
 It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
 He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. 

Courtesy: Martha Northrup

Dear All

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma stinks.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo!
it." Just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there
because some Spanish dirtbags invaded our country and we got
a little busy, OK?
Sincerely,
The Mayans  

 Courtesy: nat.