Benefits of Prayer!

A preacher dies, and when he gets to heaven, he sees a New
York cab driver who has more crowns. He says to an angel, "I
don't get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation."
 
The angel says, "We reward results. Did your congregation
always pay attention when you gave a sermon?"
 
The preacher says, "Once in a while someone fell asleep."
 
The angel says, "Right. And when people rode in this guy's
taxi, they not only stayed awake, but they usually prayed!"
 
 Courtesy: ArcaMax Jokes.

QUALITY ASSURANCE!

PIPING SPECIFICATIONS
All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal centered around the hole.
All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length.
 All pipe is to be of the very best quality, preferably tubular or pipular.
All acid-proof pipe is to be made of acid proof metal.
Outer-diameter of all pipes must exceed the inner-diameter. Otherwise, the hole will be on the outside of the pipe.
All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam, or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
All pipe is to be supplied without rust, as this can be more readily put on at the jobsites.
All pipe is to be cleaned free of any covering such as mud, tar, barnacles or any form of manure before putting up, otherwise it will make lumps under the paint.
All pipe over 500 feet in length must have the words "Long Pipe" clearly painted on each end so that the fitter will know that it is a long pipe.
All pipe over two miles in length must also have these words painted on the middle so that the fitter will not have to walk the full length of the pipe to determine if it is long pipe or not.
All pipe over six inches in diameter is to have the words "Large Pipe" painted on it, so that the fitter will not use it for small pipe.
All pipe fittings are to be made of the same stuff as the pipe.
All pipe closers are to be open on one end.
No fittings are to be put on pipe unless specified. If you do, straight pipes become crooked pipes.

Bullets in short supply

An elderly man stands in line for hours at a Warsaw meat store (meat is severely rationed). When the butcher comes out at the end of the day and announces that there is no meat left, the man flies into a rage.

"What is this?" he shouts. "I fought against the Nazis, I worked hard all my life, I've been a loyal citizen, and now you tell me I can't even buy a piece of meat? This rotten system stinks!"
Suddenly a thuggish man in a black leather coat sidles up and murmurs "Take it easy, comrade. Remember what would have happened if you had made an outburst like that only a few years ago"--and he points an imaginary gun to his head and pulls the trigger.

The old man goes home, and his wife says, "So they're out of meat again?"

"It's worse than that," he replies. "They're out of bullets."