The frickin' lion!

I took my son to the zoo. As we were walking around
viewing the animals in the nature compounds, he
pointed to a lion. "Look, Dad, there's a frickin'
lion!"
"What?"
"It's a frickin' lion!"
"Uhh ... how did you come up with that?"
"It's on the sign over there."
Sure enough, posted on the fence was a sign that read,
"African Lion."

Long Happy Life!

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on
his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look,"she said.
"What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also
drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never
exercise."
"That's amazing,"the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said.
 Courtesy: Thomas Ellsworth.

The Clever Woman!

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.

"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:

Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

The wife put down her drink and said..."let the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down."