Choosing the right path!

This priest was with a dying man, the priest Whispering firmly, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of him!"

The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order, Still the man said nothing.

The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

The dying man said, "Until I know for sure where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."

Alphabates!

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her
husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while, and then said, "You're A, B,
C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant,
Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot."
She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's so lovely. What
about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
 
Courtesy: Janice Beasley.

"Show him your card!"

A cocky Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked with the old farmer "I need to inspect your farm."

The old farmer said: "OK, but you better not go in that field."

In a wise-arse tone the Ag. representative said, "I have the authority of the U.S Government with me. See this card..?"
He stuck a plastic-coated card in the farmer's face. "This card says I can go wherever I want to on agricultural land."

The old farmer shrugged and went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Department of Agriculture rep running for the fence. Close behind was the farmer's prize bull, Geronimo.

Geronimo was madder than a nest full of hornets and he was gaining on the Agriculture Rep with every angry snort.

The farmer shouted, "Show him your card!''