Qualities of Men as evaluated by the Women

1. Men are like Laxatives 
They irritate the crap out of you. 

2. Men are like Weather 
Nothing can be done to change 
them. 

3. Men are like  Blenders 
You need One, but you're not quite sure why.. 

4. Men are like Commercials 
You can't believe a word they say. 

5. Men are like  Department Stores 
Their clothes are always 1/2 off! 

6. Men are like  Government Bonds 
.... They take soooooooo long to mature.

7. Men are like  Mascara 
They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 

8. Men are like  Popcorn 
They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 

9. Men are like Lava Lamps 
Fun to look at, but not very bright. 

10. Men are like  Parking Spots 
All the good ones are taken, the rest are 
handicapped.

Courtesy: Martha Northrup

Left-handed!

A husband asked his wife, "If I should die first, would you
marry again?"

"I would be heart-broken, of course," was her reply, "but I
think eventually I would remarry."

"But you wouldn't bring him here to our house, would you?"

"Why not? I've worked and slaved to make this house a home.
There is no reason to abandon it."

"But you wouldn't sleep in our bed?"

"Well, I wouldn't run out and buy a new bed right away."

"Surely, you wouldn't let him use my golf clubs?"

"Of course not! He's left-handed!"

Courtesy: Fran CMT2.

Modern Lexicon!

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at
one end and a fool on the other.


Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes
of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without
passing through the minds of either.


Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the
number present.


Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.


Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power
is defeated by feminine water power


Dictionary: A place where success comes before work

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody
listens and everybody disagrees later on


Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight

Office: A place where you go to relax after your
strenuous home life


Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open
their mouth.