Modern Lexicon!

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at
one end and a fool on the other.


Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes
of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without
passing through the minds of either.


Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the
number present.


Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.


Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power
is defeated by feminine water power


Dictionary: A place where success comes before work

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody
listens and everybody disagrees later on


Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight

Office: A place where you go to relax after your
strenuous home life


Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open
their mouth.

Laugh And Enjoy Grandpa's Answering Machine

At present we are not at home. If you are one of
our children, dial 1 followed by the order of
"birth arrival" so we know who it is.


If you need us to stay with your kids, press 2.


If you want to borrow the car, press 3.


If you want us to wash your clothes and do the
ironing, press 4.


If you want the grandchildren to sleep here
tonight, press 5.


If you want us to pick up the kids at school,
press 6.


If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or
to deliver it to your home, press 7.


If you want to come to eat here, press 8.


If you need money, press 9.


If you are going to invite us to dinner, a
movie or a show, start talking. We are]
listening!"

Courtesy: Daily Humour

Laugh heartily - 2

My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight
shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when
you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because
by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything. Then I regain
consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health ... when my thighs kept
rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while
and it shrinks two sizes!



Courtesy: Arca Max