Skip it!

The doctor puts the overweight blonde on a strict diet.
"I want you to eat regular meals for two days, then
skip a day, and repeat this procedure for a month. The
next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five
pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost over twenty pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow
my instructions?"
"Yes. I'll tell you, though, Doctor, I thought I was
going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."

Sarcastic Grucho Marx - 3

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Ice Water? Get some Onions. That'll make your
eyes water!
Age is not a particularly interesting subject.
Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live
long enough.
Anyone who says he can see through women is
missing a lot.
Blood's not thicker than money.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked
for a jury.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll
be glad to make an exception.

Why want to live long?

I recently started with a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said
I was doing "fairly well' for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I asked him,
"Do you think I'll live to be 90?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink beer, wine
or hard liquor?
"Oh no. I'm not doing drugs, either."
"Do you eat steaks and barbecued ribs?"
"Not much ... I try to stay away from red meat."
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing
golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't."
"Do you gamble or drive fast cars?"
"No, not at all."
"Then why would you want to live to 90?"