Enjoy Grucho Marx - 2

Now there's a man with an open mind -- you can feel
the breeze from here!

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage
does.

She got her good looks from her father. He's a
plastic surgeon.

There's only one way to find out if a man is honest:
ask him. If he says yes, you know he's a crook.

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I
quit: retire!

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I
have others.



Courtesy: BW Jokes

Another Winter!

Government surveyors came to Ole's farm in the fall and
asked if they could do some surveying. Ole agreed, and Lena
even served them a nice meal at noon time.
The next spring, the two surveyors stopped by and told Ole,
"Because you were so kind to us, we wanted to give you this
bad news in person instead of by letter."
Ole replied, "What's the bad news?"
The surveyors stated, "Well, after our work here, we
discovered your farm is not in Minnesota but is actually in
Wisconsin!"
Ole looked at Lea and said, "That's the best news I have
heard in a long time. I just told Lena this morning that I
don't think I can take another winter in Minnesota."
 
Courtesy: Becky Day.

Lord! Have Mercy! He is going into Politics!

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting high time  the boy gave some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men of his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem  too concerned about it.

 One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an  experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four  objects:

1. A Bible,
2. A silver dollar,
3. A bottle of whiskey,
4. And a Playboy magazine.

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "and when he comes home from school, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine, he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously and soon heard his son's footsteps as he  entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his  books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room, he spotted the objects on the table. He walked over to inspect them, looking at each for  several minutes. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his  arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He  uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's  centerfold.

"Lord have mercy!" the old preacher prayed. "He's going into politics!!"