Collected Gems – 6

Semiconductors: Part time orchestra leaders or part
time ticket-takers on trains

The attorney's client had been called out of town
and was unable to be present when the jury returned
its verdict in his favor. The lawyer immediately
texted his client, "Justice has triumphed!" The client texted back, "Appeal at once!"

A Native American walks into a posh restaurant. The
maitre'd greets him at the counter and says, "I'm
terribly sorry sir, but we have no tables available
at this time." "That's okay," replies the Indian,
"I have a reservation."

Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide

A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."
And for plenty of good reasons, since:

1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical. Forty-three (43) said yes, six (6) were undecided, and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water.
The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"
He feels the conclusion is obvious.

Collected Gems – 5

"Nothing raises a golf score like witnesses."

Fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-
strong.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,
try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Protestants:  Worker ants out to overthrow the queen.
Concentrate: A special penny postage rate available
only to prisoners at federal prisons.