Collected Gems – 4

Overheard on the Pediatrics floor: "Are you medical or
surgical?"
 
"I don't know what you mean."
 
"Were you sick when you came in here, or did they make you sick when you got here?"

This car: designed by computer, built by robot, driven by
moron.

I'm trying to save my money. Who knows? One day it may be valuable.
 
It's amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snow blower, or vacuum cleaner.

Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.

Right Candidate!

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.
 
"Look, miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual
experience in picking lemons?"
 
"Well, as a matter of fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been
divorced three times."
 
 Courtesy: FranCMT2.

Collected Gems – 3

"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."

Meeting: An event at which minutes are kept and
hours are lost.

A man in Colorado wants marijuana to be classified as a
vegetable. I just have to say that that's an ingenious
way to get Americans to stop smoking pot.

The New York City Department of Education says that only
26 percent of the city’s students passed the English
portion of a recent standardized test. But on the bright
side, they’re too bad at math to realize how bad that is.