Story of an ingenious Shepherd!

A shepherd is herding his flock in a remote
pasture when a brand-new BMW emerges out of a
dust cloud.
The driver, a young man in an Armani suit,
Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie,
leans out the window and asks the shepherd,
"If I tell you exactly how many sheep you
have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the man, looks at his
peacefully grazing flock and answers, "Sure,
why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his iPad
and launches the GPS app to get an exact fix
on his location. He feeds that to a NASA
Web site that returns an ultra-high-resolution
photo of the area. The young man opens the
picture in Photoshop and exports it to an
image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email that the
image has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a database through an ODBC-
connected spreadsheet with hundreds of complex
formulas. He uploads all of this data via an
email and after a few minutes receives a
response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 50 page
report on his miniaturized Laser printer. With
the document in hand, he says to the shepherd,
"You have exactly 1,586 sheep."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one
of my sheep."
The young man selects one of the animals and
stuffs it into his car.
The shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if
I can tell you exactly what your business is,
will you give me back the animal?"
"Sure, why not?"
"You're a consultant."
"Wow! That's right. How did you guess that?"
"No guessing required. You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid
for an answer I already knew to a question I
never asked; and you don't know anything about
my business. Now can I have my dog back?"
Courtesy: ArcaMax.com

Collected Gems – 2

Why are husbands like lawn mowers? 
They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells, and don't work half the time.  

"What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."

Hard work doesn't harm anyone, but I do not want to take any chances.

How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store. 
You prefer gardening to watching television. 
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks. 
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride. 

What do you call two young married spiders?
Newly webs. 

Recruiting A Pilot!

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!" The aide hustles the young man off.

The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man says, "I chop wood!"

"Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"

"I chop wood!"

"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"

"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"

The young man rolls his eyes and says, "Dang it, I have to chop it before he can pile it!"