Do U like Satire - Last Part

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. ~ Steve Martin

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. ~ Jimmy Durante

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. ~ Doug Hamwell

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. ~ George Roberts

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport ~ Jonathan Winters

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. ~ Robert Benchley

Courtesy : Martha Northrup

How to enjoy satire!

"What's the quickest way to town?"
"Are you walking or driving?"
"Driving."
"That's the quickest way."

Texas Governor Rick Perry is considering calling a
special session of the legislature to aid enticing
businesses to move to Texas by repealing Ohm's law.
Texas political analysts predict it will pass with
very little resistance. (Stan Kegel)


"You're back early. I thought you went to the
racetrack."
"I did."
"But you told me you were broke."
"I am. I just made mental bets."
"How did you do?"
"I lost my mind."(Shoe: Cassett & Brookins)

Blonde 911 caller: "My water broke!"
"Stay calm. Now, how far apart are your contractions?"
"No contractions, but my basement is flooding fast!"

A botanist working in South America claims to have
discovered a nomadic tree. It just packs up its
trunk and leaves.

The minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had
sent to him via an usher. The note read, "Bill Jones
having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of
the congregation for his safety."

Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his
audience by announcing, "Bill Jones, having gone to
see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation
for his safety."

A blonde walks into a donut shop. "Excuse me, miss.
How many cups of coffee will this Thermos hold?"
"I think it's a five cup Thermos."
"Great! Give me two black and three cream and sugar."

Daily Humour



 







 

Irrefutable Proof Of Your Maturity!

Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke
any of them.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
Six AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
You watch the Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up"
and "break up."
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed
up."
You're the one calling the police because those kids
next door won't turn down the stereo.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling dirty jokes
around you.
You don't know what time Taco Bell closes.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments
go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's
leftovers.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
You take naps.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the
beginning of one.
Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would
severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good
stuff."
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
"I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces
"I'm never going to drink that much again as long
as I live."
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer
is for work.
You drink at home to save money before going to
a bar.
Courtesy: ArcaMax.com