Irrefutable Proof Of Your Maturity!

Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke
any of them.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
Six AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
You watch the Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up"
and "break up."
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed
up."
You're the one calling the police because those kids
next door won't turn down the stereo.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling dirty jokes
around you.
You don't know what time Taco Bell closes.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments
go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's
leftovers.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
You take naps.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the
beginning of one.
Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would
severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good
stuff."
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
"I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces
"I'm never going to drink that much again as long
as I live."
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer
is for work.
You drink at home to save money before going to
a bar.
Courtesy: ArcaMax.com

Discovery Of The Century!

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new
element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25
assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces
called morons, which are surrounded by vast
quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert;
however, it can be detected because it impedes every
reaction with which it comes into contact. In the
presence of a tiny amount of Governmentium, a
reaction that would normally take less than a second
can take between four days and four years to
complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of two to six
years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase
over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of morons promotion leads some
scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed
whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
"critical morass."
 
Courtesy: BWJokes

Do U like Satire - Part 3

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. ~ Emo Philips.

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. ~ Harrison Ford

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. ~ Spike Milligan

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. ~ Robin Hall

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. ~ Jean Rostand.

Courtesy: Martha Northrup