Discovery Of The Century!

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new
element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25
assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces
called morons, which are surrounded by vast
quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert;
however, it can be detected because it impedes every
reaction with which it comes into contact. In the
presence of a tiny amount of Governmentium, a
reaction that would normally take less than a second
can take between four days and four years to
complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of two to six
years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase
over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of morons promotion leads some
scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed
whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
"critical morass."
 
Courtesy: BWJokes

Do U like Satire - Part 3

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. ~ Emo Philips.

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. ~ Harrison Ford

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. ~ Spike Milligan

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. ~ Robin Hall

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. ~ Jean Rostand.

Courtesy: Martha Northrup

Humourus Hearing!

My wife and I laughed when John, a neighbor, told us how his hearing aid occasionally emits a high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone near him. His granddaughter was sitting on his lap one day when the device started to beep.
Surprised, the granddaughter looked up at him and said, "Oh, Grampa, you've got e-mail

 

While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I noticed that his "hearing aid" was actually an earphone from a old transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt.
"How does that help your hearing?" I asked.
"Don't help my hearing none. Makes people talk louder." 

 

During a medical assessment before moving into a retirement home, a nurse asked my grandparents, "Do you need hearing aids?"
"Yes," my grandmother answered. "But he doesn't like his, never wears it and leaves it at home."
Then she added, "I always carry mine in my purse."

 

One man's request was for his hearing. The evangelist spit on his finger, put it in the man's ear, prayed for him and then asked him, "How's your hearing now?"
He said, "I don't know - it's next Tuesday."