Happy Birthday!

A couple phoned a neighbour to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.
"Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get." 

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was and I told him, "62."
He was quiet for a moment, then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

 

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Hair Cuts can be messy!

Boss: You got your hair cut on company time.
Susie: It grew on company time.
Boss: Not all that hair.
Susie: I didn't get it all cut.

 

The supervisor of my work section recently made a casual comment about my shaggy mane of hair.
He then went on to extol the virtues of a good haircut, which, he insisted, makes an elderly man look younger and a younger man seem more mature.
"How would a haircut make a middle-aged guy like me appear?" I asked, trying to stump him.
"Still employed," was his answer.

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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest,
chickens in motion tend to cross roads.

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have
been naturally selected in such a way that they are
now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road
or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon
your frame of reference.

Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken
cross the road? But is rather, "Who was crossing the
road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste
to observe the chicken crossing?"

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying
insecurity.

Bashar al-Assad: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion
and we were quite justified in dropping nerve gas on it.

Heisenberg: Because the chicken is moving very fast, you
can either observe the chicken or you can measure its
speed, but you cannot do both.
 
Jean Foucault: It didn't. The rotation of the earth made
it appear to cross.

Galileo: To get a better look at the stars.

Ohm: There was more resistance on this side of the road.

Pascal: It was pressured to cross the road.

Volta: The other side had more potential.

Hawking: There exist numerous parallel universes in
which the same chicken is in differing stages of
crossing the road. Only when one of the chickens has
completed crossing the road do their avian functions
coalesce.
 
Courtesy: Arcamax