Funny quips

• Our friend Eddie has kleptomania, but when it gets bad, Eddie takes something for it.
• I stayed up all night playing Texas Hold'em with a deck of tarot cards.  I got a royal 
• flush and five people died.
• His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
• I spilled 'Spot' remover on my dog.  Now he's disappeared.
• Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died.
• Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool like Jackson.
• Don't wish ill for your enemy, plan it.
• Guy just got lost in thought.  He found it unfamiliar territory.

What is ?

Interviewer asks in America: "Excuse me, what is your opinion on the meat shortage?"

And the reply is... " 'Shortage?' What's a 'shortage?'"

Interviewer asks in Poland: "Excuse me, what is your opinion on the meat shortage?"

And the reply is... " 'Meat?' What's 'meat?'"

Interviewer asks in Russia: "Excuse me, what is your opinion on the meat shortage?

And the reply is... " 'Opinion?' What's an 'opinion?'"

Interviewer asks in Israel: "Excuse me, what is your opinion on the meat shortage?"

And the reply is... " 'Excuse me?' What's 'excuse me?'"

Hilarious observations of life that U will enjoy

1. A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
2. I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.
3. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
4. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip round the sun.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
7. Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
8. If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.
9. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
10. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
11. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
12. Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.