DON'T BE ON FRONT PAGE!

I was glancing over the front page of the Post Gazette the other day and saw that Alf Landon (Franklin Roosevelt's opponent in the 1936 election) had died at age 100. It reminded me of this story that FDR supposedly liked to tell.
There was a man who, everyday, would buy a newspaper on the way to work, glance at the headline, and hand it back to the newsboy. Day after day the man would go through this routine. Finally the newsboy could not stand it and he asked the man, "Why do you always buy a paper and only look at the front page before discarding it?"
The man replied, "I am only interested in the obituaries."
"But they are on page 21. You never even unfold the newspaper."
"Young man," he said, "the son of a bitch I'm looking for will be on the front page."

Last Wisdom!

The wise old Mother Superior from County Tipperary was
dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her
comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she
refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a
gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a
generous amount into the warm milk.

When she walked back to Mother Superior's bed, she held the
glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little
more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass
down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with
earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die."

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face
and said, "Don't sell that cow."


Courtesy: ArcaMax Jokes.

Lexophiles will enjoy - Part 3

When a clock is hungry .  .  .  it goes back four seconds

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine .  .  .  was fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory .  .  .  which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be .  .  .  exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, .  .  .  she thought she'd dye.


If you don't pay your exorcist .  .  .  you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name .  .  .  and a dress.

A bicycle can't stand alone; .  .  .  it is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, . it's your Count that votes.

Courtesy: Martha Northrup