HILARIOUS

Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:

"Windows frozen."

Husband texts back:

"Pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 mins later:

"Computer completely dead now."

        Courtesy: Martha Northrup

WITTICISM EVERYONE WILL ENJOY

The police officer got out of his car, and the kid who was
stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
 
"I've been waiting for you all day," the officer said.
 
The kid replied, "Well, I got here as fast as I could."
 
When the officer finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid
on his way without a ticket.
 
 Courtesy: Thomas Ellsworth.

Sarcastic Repartee

Groucho Marx vs. a contestant on You Bet Your Life, after the contestant revealed that he was a father of 10

Courtesy: Martha Northrup