Dress Code - It is advised that you come to work dressed
according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes
and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well
financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress
poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not
need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where
you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days - We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as
proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you
are able to come to work.
Personal Days - Each employee will receive 104 personal days
a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave - This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, or
co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases
where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should
be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow
you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave
one hour early.
Toilet Use - Entirely too much time is being spent in the
toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound,
the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will
open, and a picture will be taken. After your second
offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin
board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught
smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break - Skinny people get thirty minutes for lunch, as
they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal
size people get fifteen minutes for lunch to get a balanced
meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get
five minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to
provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all
questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should
be directed elsewhere.
Courtesy: James W.
according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes
and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well
financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress
poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not
need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where
you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days - We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as
proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you
are able to come to work.
Personal Days - Each employee will receive 104 personal days
a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave - This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, or
co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases
where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should
be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow
you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave
one hour early.
Toilet Use - Entirely too much time is being spent in the
toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound,
the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will
open, and a picture will be taken. After your second
offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin
board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught
smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break - Skinny people get thirty minutes for lunch, as
they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal
size people get fifteen minutes for lunch to get a balanced
meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get
five minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed
to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to
provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all
questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should
be directed elsewhere.
Courtesy: James W.
