Never Indulge In Counterfeiting

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his
stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow
inmates. The warden knew that, deep down, Andy was a good
person. So, the warden made arrangements for the inmate to
learn a trade while doing his time.

Some three years later, Andy was recognized as one of the
best carpenters in the local area. Often, he would be given
a weekend pass to do odd jobs for citizens of the community.
And, he always reported back to prison by early Sunday
evening. Andy was a model inmate.

One day, the warden considered remodeling his kitchen,
though he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen
cupboards and a large counter top. So, he called Andy into
his office and asked him to do the job for him. To the
warden's surprise, Andy simply refused to help.

"But, you're an expert. Andy, I really need your help," said
the warden.

"Gosh, warden, I'd really like to help you, but counter
fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."  


 Courtesy: Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.

Who Says Seniors Don't Have Sense Of Humours

DATING ADS FOR SENIORS Ads seen in ''The Villages'' Florida newspaper.

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.  

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.  

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.  

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.  

BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.  

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together. My favorite....  

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

Couresy: Martha Northrup 

RELEASE THE B(L)OND

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating, was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.

A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat.

He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.